I’ve realized two very important life lessons recently. One, that we pick one of two paths in our lives. And two, maturity is defined not by how many life experiences we’ve acquired, but how we react to those we’ve encountered.
There are exactly two paths we are dealt between the ages of zero and the time an individual departs the house of their parents, whether it be 14, 18, 30, etc. One path is that of the same mistakes, misfortunes, decisions, convictions, hopes, dreams, ambitions as our parents and the other is the opposite. These similarities and differences result in varying degrees and in different variable patterns. For instance, one may grow up in a divorced, female domineering, democratic, low-income household and make conscious decisions and choices to ensure that their life path is anything but those. Which would consequently make a un-divorced, male dominated, republican, middle- to high-income earning household. This is dependent upon if that individual felt that they were at a “loss” for growing up in aforementioned household.
If an individual felt that they were fortunate, or neutral, to have been raised in a divorced, female domineering, democratic household, but felt that their life could have been “improved” given a higher waged household, then steps would be made to ensure that those desired “variables” result. For these are the only variables said individual is aware of. That of a divorced, females domineering, democratic, low-income household. And only reactions can be elicited in response to those given variables.
Everything is conceptually a variable. Smoking for instance. In my household, no one smoked, smokes or participated in smoking. Therefore, smoking is a variable. I know that I would not want to raise my children in a smoking environment because I was raised in a non-smoking environment and perceive it to be more “beneficial” to be raised in a non-smoking environment versus a smoking environment. This is a judgment call based upon past influences, conditions, results and variations.
Variables allow for variation. Non-smoking and smoking result on completely different ends of the scale of smoking tolerance. A person in my similar upbringing in the arena of smoking will either result in a similar opinion on the matter or that of complete opposition. Perhaps because they are a smoker, or their spouse is a smoker, or because they feel that no one should be able to tell another person what they can or cannot do. It is these variables in our upbringing, the decisions our parents have made, which result in the decisions, obligations, choices, the next generation will encounter.
Some variables are black and white; smoking, divorce, tattoos, drug use, religion, abortion, political party, etc. Others are shades of grey; locations in which to raise a family, musical preference, occupation choices, amounts of affection, attention, adoration, curfews, responsibilities, etc.
All of them different, all within our control, all important, all completely theoretical, hypothetical, unable to be predicted. I’ve realized that my parents are just doing the best they can, given the circumstances. Given the positive, negative and neutral stimuli they were dealt age 0-18, when they are legally obligated to be provided for by their parents. I’ve realized my parents aren’t Super Humans. Although my dad is named “Clark” he isn’t “Clark Kent,” although I was convinced when I was little. Even though my mom is named “Lisa Marie” she will never have the same impact on society as “Lisa Marie Presley.” They are just as important in the scheme of things as “Clark Kent” and “Lisa Marie Presley,” and to me, of course, they are more important than said individuals.
They are just making decisions based upon the decisions their parents made and whether they deem those choices as good, bad, or neutral.
The second lesson is easier to relay. We are all dealt cards of pain, anguish, trials, tribulations, death, disgust, greed, filth, despair. It is how we not just react, but what we are reduced to from such actions and circumstances. The most amazing people I have met thus far are those that have not simple “dealt” with such awful situations, by simply suppressing memories or turning to other means to “forget” about the pain. But those who internalize the bad, never to compare themselves to others. Internalizing by being completely, undeniably honest, with what has happened and where they need to go. And to realize that they have been dealt poor cards, but not a bad hand. We will never know everything another individual holds in their hand, but can only be given a few rare glimpses as to what they are dealing with.
Our stories are ours alone and although people will be in similar situations, circumstances, outcomes, they will never know exactly where a person is coming from. Because like I’ve said, every person has a story. And to hear a few pages will never result in the understanding of a chapter.
