You know you're a Wanton Hussy when...

aka. You know it's time to move when...

I have been born and raised Orange County, California, as I have explained. But this is just ridiculous. Let me back up. I have dated a lot of guys in my last 23 years. I mean A LOT. All kinds too. Tall, short, fat, skinny, bald, hairy, hot, not so hot, funny, smart, dumb, sober, ex-addicts, Atheist, Christian, Catholic, athletes, non-athletes, surfers, swimmers, lifeguards, etc. I dated the most in my life when I attended my necessary two years at a local Community College. I have a theory that people date the most during Junior College because they have the most money, as most live at home during this time period, but at the same time have a job because it is what is expected of them, due to the little demand on their time for studies. This job + no rent = large amounts of money to be spent on adult activities such as dating. As most people in a junior college are between the ages of 18 and 22, this seems like the necessary activity post-high school, pre-career. So I dated. A lot. And I loved it. I loved getting taken out on the weekends and having "older" guys "hit" on me and approach me because let's be honest, the boys in High School do not do the whole approach and courting deal as they don't have to. That is what freshmen girls are for. I have a point.

Fast forward five years. I am now 23, occasionally date, mind mostly on Eurotrip 2007. I attended a wedding a few weekends ago. My relation to the bride and groom? I attended the wedding as (pay attention) the date, to a friend, of the brother, of the bride. Got it? Far removed, right? But on the side of the bride nonetheless. I arrive to the wedding only to realize that the valet guy and I went to high school together. Enter date thinking I get around. I think, "What a small world. I am an hour away from where I went to high school and am running into people. Man, it's time to move." I get to the site that the wedding is set up at and see the picture of the bride and groom. "Okay, so that is who I know here. The bride. That is what she looks like and I am here to celebrate her day. Got it." I notice someone who looks strangely familiar wearing a tux. He appears to be one of the groomsmen. I call the bride's-brother over and ask him the name of the groomsmen. "Oh, that guy? That's Kansas."

"I dated him when I went to Junior college. What a small world. How funny." I exclaim.

"Yeah, that's the guy that marrying my sister today." Bride's-brother confirms.

"I... ah.. bu...we....No, it was really innocent. Just like out to coffee and to study... We never even kissed... because I thought he had bad teeth... and... teeth are huge with me." Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

"Oh, I don't care. Frankly, I think he's kind of a dork. What were you doing dating a guy like him? It was a pity date huh?"

Ummm... flattering yes. Basically, bride's-brother thinks I am the cat's meow. But that is not the point. The point is that I went to a wedding thinking I didn't know anyone and it turns out I dated the GROOM. Small world? Or do I just need to get out of Dodge? Let me take this opportunity to finish my theoretical statement, "You know you are a Wanton Hussy when you show up at a wedding thinking you don't know anyone, only to realize you DATED the groom."

I told my parents the story the next day. Mom's jaw hit the floor. Dad told a similar story in which he went to a wedding where he had dated the bride. "Yes Dad, but did you know that you were going to her wedding?" "Well, yeah..." "Okay, now imagine you didn't know that it was her wedding." "Oh."

"Yeah, so I think this officially means I need to move. Orange County has officially become too small."

"No." My dad begins to see the glass half-full. "This just means you have good networking skills." Oh, dad. Whatever it takes to not think that your first born is a total floozy. Whatever it takes.