Did she really just say that?

On Monday, as I continued to recover from my fishing trip, the owner of the boat stopped by my work in order to bring t-shirts with the boat's logo on them. He not only was in tow with t-shirts, but also his wife and either their daughter or grand-daughter, you never can tell these days.

I was walking past the office where a few co-workers congregated with the owner and his wife and was summoned in. "Wanton Hussy, come meet my wife." The owner suggested. "Wanton Hussy is quite a fisherwoman. And she'll clean your clock at poker too." I couldn't have been more proud. Success.

"Oh, you went on the trip?" The wife asked. The fluxuation in her voice could only be expected seeing as how I was wearing a black knee length skirt, black heels and a slightly cleavage revealing black top. Makeup, hair and nails done as well. I did not look like I enjoyed getting dirty.

"Yeah." I reply. Like it is common knowledge that I would hold my own on a boat with 22 other men and in various rounds of poker.

"It must be really hard for you to get guys, huh?" I wait for sarcasm. "Guys don't really like girls like that. Guys only like girls like Jessica Simpson." I wait. Glazed look in my eye. I am reading her facing for some sign of sarcasm, obvious humor, joking. Nothing. She is completely serious with this statement. I don't know what to react to first. The fact that I was just informed by a complete stranger that guys aren't attracted to me or that guys only like girls like Jessica Simpson. I choose neither. There is no rationalizing with people who within, literally, the first 30 seconds of meeting feel comfortable enough to inform you that you are a disgrace to the female race.

"Ouch" is all I manage to express. I feel three nervous pairs of male's eyes on me, waiting for me to react to this blatant insult. I begin to laugh, at her, not with. "This bitch is crazy" is all I can think. She senses my lack of agreement to her comment and begins to back pedal and explain herself, which is my favorite thing to watch. Experiencing that second when people realize that they have obviously made an off color statement that did not go over well, and consequently begin their attempt to rectify a situation causes me such morbid joy. Probably because I have been in that situation so many times before that I understand what it feels like.

I laugh because I couldn't help it. The others in the room laugh out of sheer nervousness for how the pretty girl is going to react. I don't react. I let the crazy person defend her statement. "No.... it's just that..." she stammers. "My daughter is a career woman and all the guys she meets only want the Jessica Simpsons." Two scenarios enter my mind: 1) Your daughter really is an intimidating, ball-busting career woman with no time or energy for finding, courting, settling down with a man, and consequently feels that all men are turned off to her because she is not a vapid, moron like Jessica Simpson. Or 2) Your daughter is a troll and uses the defense mechanism that guys only like blonde bimbos like Jessica Simpson to make herself feel better as she cries herself to sleep on her gigantic pillow. Hey, it's a cruel world out there. I'm just being honest. If you have a better option, please let me know.

In my opinion, there are two kinds of people in the world. Those that make shit happen and don't look back and those that just let shit happen and make excuses for themselves when the are left with the short end of the stick. I don't know what determines the outcome for what kind of person you are. Whether it be personality, temperament, society, environment, genetics or upbringing.

That's what's wrong with society today. No one can be honest. Listen to Dr. Laura. She's honest. Sure she's kind of crazy and post-menopausal, but the reason why she is so effective and why so many people listen to her advice is because she one of the few people today that gives it to you straight. No sugar coating. No bull shit. Just the truth. And sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it's what the callers want to hear. But it's always the truth of the matter based on the facts she's presented with.

One time I gave a girlfriend of mine the truth based on the facts I was given and I made her cry. I told her that the guy she was messing around with really wasn't that into her which is why he did what he did. For this, I am deemed "insensitive." Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Who knows? For god's sake, when I am going to have my own talk show? T.V. or radio. I don't care. People out there need to hear me!! You may laugh now. But one day you'll see. I'm going to big. Big. Tom Hanks in "Big," big. But for now, I guess you'll just have to be stuck with my mindless banter and friendly cantor.