"I think I am an 'optimism junkie."

You know those moments when you really can't think of any reason to be in a ridiculously good mood. I'm am having one of those moments. It's like for those few hours when everything is in balance and you have so many things to look forward to and nothing in the near future that you dread. No regret on your plate, no guilt on your shoulders, no skeletons in the closet. Everything is glorious.

Some may call it "sainthood" to have no skeletons in the closet, others, "a low moral obligation." I call it my reality. Driving home I just realized how fortunate I am to be where I am, doing what I'm doing, letting the cards fall as they may. No predictions, few precautions, some apprehensions.

I know this moods is only temporary, as I am a perpetual worrier. Sometimes I will have such an overwhelming sense of anxiety over nothing, that I will forget what I am worrying about, and then get more anxious trying to remember what it was that I was so worried about in the first place.

I don't think people put enough emphasis on the fact that they really do hold the key to whether the glass is half empty or half full. I know that some people suffer from depression and that it is an uncontrollable disease. But even then, there are activities, hobbies, opportunities that people can participate in, in order to maximize their mood.

I think I am an "optimism junkie." Really, this can't be good. Maybe it's because my parents and I are on the up, after a very long period of down. Maybe it's because this week and next week are four day weeks due to the holiday weekend. Maybe it's because I am going to Palm Springs with the Wanton Hussy Posse this weekend. Maybe it's none of those things and it's just because I can't find a good reason to not be grinning like an idiot. Whatever it is, I don't want it to end. But then again, if we never had bad, frustrating, fowl events in our lives, we wouldn't have the same sense of relief when opportunities of content present themselves.

I can't help it. I am the product of a self-fulfilling relationship, in which everyone wins. Or loses, depending on how you cut it. I am beginning to think that I need an "inner dialogue." My weakness as an individual stems from my lack of a filter for my thoughts. Not one of those cowardly people that "tell it like it is" who are really just mean spirited and mask it with their ability to be "honest." But, one of those naive, slightly pathetic people who will tell almost anyone, almost anything. I have not been "burned in a relationship" in any sense of the word, and therefore have no reason to not completely bare my soul to the world.

In fact I have been burned in the past when it came to catty fellow female athletes, but I just chalked that up to jealousy. I'm doing it again. Baring my feelings with no haste. Blogs are dangerous. They are like letters to anyone sans the repercussions of friendship. Without the fear of rejection or humiliation. Blogs are like the little things that no one either cares to hear, or needs to hear, only they are over a loud speaker, without you there. I am debating even posting this. But since I am so proud of my ability to speak without reservations, here goes...