I am the smartest woman alive.

Documented below is my thought process while performing my thirty minutes of cardio on the elliptical this morning. Like to hear it, here it goes.

"Man, I drank A LOT of beer last night. And I ate peanuts and a bite of that burrito at the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim game. Then I ate nachos and pizza at the Yardhouse. I would probably look so smokin' if I didn't party as much as I do. But, I LOVE beer and pizza. What to do? What to do? Well, here is what I know. When I was dating that guy from San Diego, I didn't party for a month straight (which is a long time in Wanton Hussy weeks). During that month, I ate super healthy worked out, didn't party and went to the beach and body surfed every weekend. Hmmm... But I was not having nearly as much fun on the weekends as I do when I go out with my friends. So, do I work out and not party and look super good OR do I work out, eat super good and go out with my friends and enjoy the fruits of my efforts ie. beer and pizza."

"Here's what else I know. I already get enough attention from guys when I go out based on my current state of appearance, personality, lack of volume control, etc. I might get more attention if I dropped a few lbs. but what for. I wouldn't be going out as much because I wouldn't be drinking in order to lose the weight and then within the not going out as much I would be removing myself from situations in which I would gain the much coveted, highly sought, under appreciated male attention."

"In conclusion, I must continue to go out, and include myself in situations revolving around beer and pizza or I will not receive the attention which I enjoy so much. I am forced to continue my lifestyle (which on a sidenote, I would not trade for the world) or else I will lose touch with the male libido, my friends antics and my own level of personal happiness."

"Furthermore, I would not be interested in the guys who would only date those girls that religiously exercise and panic about calories. They would not be interested in me, because that is not me, and I would not be interested in them because they are shallow. I am interested in the guy that appreciates the girl that can put back a few beers while watching a game, eat a few chips while 'graciously losing' at poker and gorge herself on pizza at 2:00 a.m., because let's be honest, you are only 23 once. So, those guys wouldn't be interested in me, or I in them, and that's okay."

I should really pursue that goal of a motivational speaker and take my speeches on the road. Town to town. Spreading the gospel. Or maybe I will just tell my friends my theory. Over beer and pizza of course.